Quite the Val-O-Gram

Valentine's Day in high school, for me, was a nothing-burger. I was not a person receiving flowers or notes or candies delivered to my high school homeroom. For that matter, I was never the person receiving flowers, notes, or candies to my college dorm room NOR was I receciving them at my work desk post-college. I wish I could say that in high school this did not bother me, but then I'd be lying to my dear readers.

We all know Valentine's Day can be a boner of a bummer of a day. But let me tell you about a time in high school when it was a highly mortifying boner of a bummer of a day for me.

First, an explanation of my high school situation. I went to an all-girls high school. Do not feel too badly about this - there was an all-boys high school situated directly next door. The two schools had interconnected social lives and were involved in each other's business. This includes our separate student governments setting up such fundraising efforts as Val-O-Grams sent between the schools. 

I had a pretty massive high school crush on an older heartthrob. My sophomore year, my crush was a senior. He was star of the soccer, basketball, and tennis teams. I never spoke to this poor guy. Rather, I viewed and loved from afar. While I liked to pretend my crush was secret, it was not. Everyone knew.

In February of my Sophomore year, Student Countil announced they would be doing a Val-O-Gram love note service for Valentine's Day. I think it was $1 to purchase a Val-O-Gram. This included a helium balloon tied to a handwritten Valentine's note. The grams would be delivered to the intended boy during their lunch period. Cute, right?

As I had no one to send a love note to, I didn't think much of the Val-O-Grams. As a shy and awkward teenager, I certainly would not have thought to send one to my heartthrob crush!

One of my "friends" had another idea. 

I don't remember exactly how this all played out AND part of the story happened up at the boys' school, so what I know of that is all hearsay. I will piece together for you my memories although they may be a bit erroneous. I guess this is my disclaimer to say that while this all happened, I am filling in some gaps in my memories.

A day or more before Valentine's Day, a "friend" of mine kept telling me how fun she thought it would be if I actually sent a Val-O-Gram to my heartthrob. "Wouldn't it be more fun for you to do something about your crush rather than just talking about it?"

I mean - the answer to that is a hard NO. I am a risk-averse person and it was actually more pleasureable to have a lame crush on a person I would never speak to then engage with him IRL (that means in real life for the golden oldies). 

I laughed it off with her and moved about my day. But, I remember she was persistent and bugged me about it multiple times. 

The morning of Valentine's came, and the aforementioned "friend" and some others were talking about something "fun" happening that day for me. I was confused but also knew that something was up and my spidey-sense was telling me that it wasn't going to be all that fun.

I heard about it a few more times. It came up enough for me to realize that something was happening.

At lunch, my "friend" and a few others kept insinuating that this fun thing was happening at any moment and I remembered the Val-O-Grams. I remembered all the poking at me days before to send my heartthrob crush a Val-O-Gram. My heart sank.

I confronted my "friend" in a very scared teenager way - i.e. there was a lot of nervous laughter and pretending that everything was light and fun when I was crumbling inside.

After some cajoling, the story came out. My "friend" had bought a Val-O-Gram, sent it to my heartthrob with a note attached that read, "Dear Heartthrob, You are a Greek god to me. I love you. Happy Valentine's Day. Love, Molly B."

I don't remember exactly the words that were said between my "friend" and I, but I remember two specific details of this most horrifying moment in time. I remember being very loud and theatrical in the cafeteria. I remember shouting at her just that, "I cannot believe you would do this." Do I also remember fake fainting onto the floor? Maybe. It was a lunchroom spectacle to be sure and an annoyed teacher shushed us up.

The other thing I remember is the "friend" being almost angry AT ME?! She thought I was making too big a deal out of it. I remember her specifically telling me that this "was not a big deal." And that it was done out of fun and trying to push me towards something good - being more brave or taking a step towards something I wanted.

Little did my "friend" know that I did not actually want to date this heartthrob. I wanted to remain invisible! But this Val-O-Gram made me pretty, brightly visible. Overall, my anger was invalidated by her and I was told it was a fun joke, so I went along with it.

A few of my real friends did some digging and learned the truth of what happened up at the boys' school when the Val-O-Gram was delivered. This is where everything I know is hearsay and I have never known if this story is truly, truly, true. Apparently, a group of senior dudes received their Val-O-Grams in the cafeteria. They decided to suck the helium out of the balloons and read the notes TO THE CAFETERIA. My heartthrob's turn came, he sucked the helium out of the balloon, and then all squeaky voiced read the note to the entire school. If you remember, the note said he was a Greek god and that I loved him. Signed, Molly B. 

I guess when he sat down there was some confusion as the seniors were all, "Who is Molly B?" HA! INVISIBLE! One guy at the table knew who it was but coincidentally there was a senior girl at my school with first name, Molly, First Initial of Last Name, B. This guy suggested the note came from her (which made zero sense since she was in a long-term relationship with someone else), and apparently they all went with it. This is truly cringeworthy stuff. 

I have spent many past Valentine's Days thinking about this memory. The embarassment of it all feels real some 20 years later. I also wonder why my "friend" did this? Because in the end, while I can laugh about it now, and I pretended to laugh about it then, it was very hurtful and humiliating. So, it was funny but at a great expense. We all knew this heartthrob Senior would not receive his Val-o-Gram and think, "Hey, yeah, I should give this random Sophomore a chance." Looking back, it seems plain mean. I wonder if that was her intention?

All of this to say, Valentine's Day can be tough. Don't be an asshole.