Don't Influence Me, Please (Influencer Series #1)

 I am sorry to say, but I am going to come down hard on influencers. I said I was sorry to say, but I'm not actually sorry if you feel me. Because someone has to say something about these GD EmEffing infleuncers. Might as well be me.

Why me, you ask? Becuase I am a blogger/influencer historian. I have followed blogs since the literal beginning of time. My first deep dive into a blogger was a local blog that I will call Lovely Spruce Gal. She had a cute little blog and then one day wrote a post about a super dark crying in the shower session because she was deeply depressed her cousin got engaged and she was still single. And look, I GET IT! I definitely have felt those feelings and I validate them. But I was stunned that someone would send this information out into the world for anyone and everyone to read. 

Nowadays, if you follow blogs and instagram, that shower crying story is par for the course. I mean in today's world we'd get actual video footage (a 15-second clip! A reel!) of her crying in the shower paired to some catchy but depressing song by Olivia Rodrigo.

We are retrogressing. I blame influencers.

Maybe it is not fair to blame influencers. They are just trying to get some coin and we are the lemmings willing to click on every link provided to us to get them that coin. Why do we do this? Why is it interesting for us to watch a person re-renovate their master bathroom in their multi-million dollar home that they custom built just six years ago? Or why do we get all revved up watching someone go to a store, try on clothes, and photograph themselves in cute outfits in the dressing room mirror? 

If you really dig deep into how this sausage is made, it should enrage you. The reason why an influencer is constantly renovating their home is because renovations are good click bait. I imagine the game plan is such: (1) round up a few sources who will give their product for free/low cost for a good #ad; (2) figure out the expensive finishes that you really want but can't get for free/low cost and find cheaper dupes for those products; (3) produce your #ad content and watch the money roll in; (4) buy the cheaper dupe finishes; (5) get very fake excited about your cheaper dupe finishes and show them on your site with links #blessed #notsponsored!; (6) watch the money roll in!; (7) return all of your cheap dupe finishes because you were #nevergonnausethatshitinyourmilliondollarhome and buy the expensive stuff with all the money you made on linking the cheaper dupes. Tell your #dearreaderfriends (or don't - they won't notice) that the cheaper dupes just did not work out. (8) finish the renovation, link every GD thing in the room, and watch the money roll in.

I mean - are you mad yet? 

Some may say I am jealous, and yeah you bet your ass I'm jelly cat. But the truth is my anger stems from something outside of jealousy. I can be jealous and not angry. I am angry because of what watching hours of influencer content has done to my sense of contentment. When you watch someone procuring new, fun, beautiful items every single day, you start to think that you need that too. You can't escape that. Influencers have normalized the idea that you should be in a constant state of buying new clothes, new candles, new decorative items from Target, new food from Trader Joe's, new books, and all the random things from Amazon. And you should do all of this while in a constant state of renovating your home. Didn't you hear? Sinks only last 4 years now! Wait, what? Your sink is 5 years old - disgusting!

I'm not saying all influencers are bad or that influencing is a bad profession. I am saying there are ethics issues in influencing and very few seem to reflect on that. It's like, okay influence me, but do it ethically. Make money off of products you designed or created. Make money off of products that you paid for and truly love. Don't stand in front of your custom-built purse closet filled wtih Chanel, Louis Vuitton, and Gucci purses and tell me how pleasantly surprised you were by the quality and selection of Wal-Mart clothes. Bitch, please.